Bender vs. Miracle [Lyrics]

[Round 1: Bender]
Now when your mommy called Bender over to bend her over
Don’t worry, I wasn’t drunk enough to hit that shit, hell I’m never sober
It’s a little joke to lighten the mood ‘fore you see him burn at the stake
It’s funny I just finished with Aftershock, now I got another weak version of Quake?
And I asked for a Miracle, but this wasn’t a prayer
No hands together face to God with my chin up in the air
Nah I was just askin’ for this chump, who’s had six months to prepare
Dodgin’ me since winter well aware that the bitch doesn’t compare
See I was good to go, if Mark woulda flew here then to do this
I woulda had him broke in January like a New Year’s resolution
You’re from a town of 2,000 people, you couldn’t get more country
My lyrics are frightening and confusing to him, like indoor plumbing
And your live show is garbage
This guy’s so retarded, Syco looks like a Philharmonic maestro, from Harvard
He says to teenyboppers “I got my own apartment”
Tryna lure them back to that grain silo near Dartmouth
And if you wanna get dipped like a piece of trash like him
You can spot most of Mark’s apparel at Mark’s Work Wearhouse or Bargain Harold’s half-price bin
That’s right, shit, I’m too consistent to choose the best of
So when you heard me start to rhyme you shoulda made a break for it, like Questlove
While I been working on these nonstop quality bars
Mark’s been working on his ma and pop’s broccoli farm
Bitch you could not cause bodily harm
If your parent’s labeled you a Mark then you probably are
So I’m asking you, what type of miracle could this man produce?
Jesus turned water to wine, you turn a 40 into faggot juice?
So cream puffs are sayin’ “You the man, I’m ya’ hugest fan”
‘Cause you rode a fairy for six hours but you ain’t take no trip to Newfoundland
Pop his chin, lift him off the ground like a rocketship
If he’s talkin’ shit, I’ma drop the kid, like Caustic did

[Round 1: Miracle]
Why am I battling guys with chin fat, who need SlimFast?
I mean you’re battling a shark and we all know whales can’t swim fast
I bet you were always picked last in gym class with your thick ass
Stupid fucker, you remind me of Ruben Studdard, consuming butter
And you must be able to hit a high note with that wide throat
You must never get laid, I mean how could a two hundred and seventy-eight pound elephant ape in his sweatiest state set up a date
Like talking about the guns he’ll bring, eating onion rings
Or how he handles the Uzi, with a handful of sushi
I bet he’d shoot a man quick for a tuna sandwich
So what are trying to do, riot or diet? Clap the pound or subtract the pounds?
Either Donkey Kong is rapping now or that’s the sound of when an earthquake cracks the ground
Everything I rap is tight so my appetite is still twice yours
My life source supply is through a mic cord
So I could just erase what you write like a whiteboard
So if the picture you paint me, isn’t as vivid as HD
When this digital tape’s seen it’s gonna seem like a prisoner rape scene
Watch when I battle Mosh, and listen to my flow and instantly you’ll know
I wouldn’t buy a ticket to his show if I was sick and I was sitting in the cold
And even if I did it would be specifically to go and take a shit in every row
His definition of romantic, is when his pants fit
He’s gigantic and he has man-tits
So it’s easy to say you’ll never see me, like ant shit

[Round 2: Bender]
Now in your last battle, all that irrelevant noise was hella annoyin’
With you rappin’ ’bout shit like, cellulars pointin’ and elephants boinkin’
That’s why I came here to piss on you like you got stung by jellyfish poison
On second thought, I can tell he’d enjoy it, hell, he already smells like he fell in the toilet
My brainstorm a massive category 8
Lightning crash, rain drenched the land for 40 days
When I bang out a 16 the laboratory shakes
When he bangs out a 16 that’s statutory rape
And this the match you wanted right?
Another punch like that they gon’ have to stop the fight
So I ain’t come here for horseplay, but I might just bludgeon this cornflake
Apply his blood like it’s warpaint and snipe the judge at my court date
You got a face like a fuckin’ catfish, all I know that’s for certain
You should hide behind a mask or go and find a plastic surgeon
I, polish my bars till the final draft is perfect
So I ain’t fuckin’ wit’ you youngins like the Irish Catholic church is
Catch a spinal fraction, keep your chiropractor workin’
Light a match and burn him, watch the fire hazard worsen
I’m just tryin’ to fight off all these psychopathic urges
‘Cause I don’t let off steam, I let off pyroclastic surges
And the word is, the boys were waitin’ for your wifey at her crib like an intervention
Hollohan brought the liquor and convinced the trick to spread ’em
He told me by the time she mixed her second gin and seven
The whole party stuffed that box twice each like a rigged election
And how you gettin’ all these ‘foundland women?
You been scoutin’ bitches with malnutrition down at the Value Village?
Like that last hood rat you were with, little fuck-pocket
Not even coal power has had that many trains run on it
So I’ma throw him back in shit’s creek, this deep, six feet
Fish feed, mincemeat, blitzkrieged, history, you get me?
Somebody toe tag him, send that body back to Digby
I just made this kid my bitch, ayo Rich feel free to dick deep

[Round 2: Miracle]
I’m literally battling the boldest guy
Whose un-deodorized body odor reminds me of when bologna’s fried
And as a kid, he could never go on pony rides
‘Cause when he did, the pony died
You’re no beast, you’re obese
I’m always surprised when he don’t eat before his OTs
You’re built like Mo’Nique with a goatee
And if you were a black man dude, you’d be Fatman Scoop
Either Peter Griffin’s reading writtens or he’s addicted to eating chicken and blowing more sacks than Lisa Simpson
Now Bender, is in Futurama, but you’re not that bony
So Matt Groening would probably draw you as Fat Tony
But then again he has Cartman’s face
And when I said that we should bet the largest stakes he pictured a parking space at the marketplace
Christ I bet his heart would break, if we all told him the Harlem Shake never had a strawberry taste
So watch your weight, you’re in such sloppy shape for you to lose a pound, it would probably take, every commercial from Body Break, some karate and pilates tapes, and a lot less chocolate cake
And I bet even with the cops at his door, just dropping his fork and tryna walk to the porch is a obstacle course
Remember his line, Bender’s over, so I’ma take his mom, and bend her over
And then take her on a bender she can’t even remember sober
But I don’t need to flip his name to make him hang his flag
I googled the word bender, and the language tag said ‘British slang for fag’

[Round 3: Bender]
Now, I’m the sole reason ya’ honey’s so tired
She went up and down the shaft takin’ loads like a Nova Scotian coal miner
I gave her multis, like a ghostwriter
Now Classified put you and your boys on, so how can you rap like mobsters
When your own mentor did a PSA for Crimestoppers?
Sayin’ basically to kids, “You could hustle hard, but why bother? When you could dime out your neighbor for up to $50,000”
Now I got love for Scotian peeps though, whether your set grind on the east coast
Or you relocated to NY, or the westside, here in TO
But this weak ho ducked me twice and that’s some shit that I can’t let slide
You should deepthroat Organik for even lettin’ there be a next time
And I’m amazed at the fact that some MC’s still respect you
When you had your head shaved like a maze on the back of a Denny’s children’s menu
Shit, even ya’ ma dukes got a slick fade like Sling Blade
I swear on the King James Bible she’s a spitting image of Ving Rhames
Sorry player, I’m Noriega crossed with Schwarzenegger
The orphan-maker, orchestrate your fate in the torture chamber
A force of nature, fires form and warn the forest ranger
You’re a flamer, if we dropped you off in a gay bar, you’d probably catch a rape charge like Lawrence Taylor
‘Cause I seen him with an Onyx t-shirt, and a New York adjustable
But when I asked if he liked Sticky Fingaz things just got really uncomfortable
Face it, a real city would have this kid for dinner
He thought the Jane strip was a brand of chicken fingers
But when they find him dead, I bet the wound is self-inflicted
Burner by the bed, fuck it, who the hell would miss him?
You never shoulda made it past the Shoot Yourself division
Oh my bad, Elements League, right? Like you could tell the difference
Now wait a minute okay, I’m kiddin’
We all know Darkside’s crazy with it
But you claim it as your set when in fact it’s just a place you visit
Your best bet to make a livin’, is getting sent away to prison
‘Cause I heard you’re good at doin’ crazy shit with your mouth like Kaleb Simmonds

[Round 3: Miracle]
Last time we battled, he had a box of donuts and a cold cut
And that night my flow sucked, I froze up
Then I woke up, like hold up
Is Uncle Phil tryna fuck with Will?
Or did Yokozuna eat Timon and Pumbaa?
What’s wrong fatso, you getting sick of the fat jokes Fat Joe?
And since when did Papa Bear start rocking Rocawear?
And since when did Santa Claus become such a fan of Pac?
I’d rather hear Diana Ross collaborate with Lamb of God than stand and watch the Titanic talk
Even Organik thought the only chance you got is if I get ripped off like Janet’s top
See it’s different when you get in the ring with a champ and box
You pant and cough as your muscles, cramp and lock
You couldn’t boat through the waters I’ve swam across
Not with those love handles, and you wouldn’t win if you had a love scandal with everyone on the judge panel
“Cause beyond the fact that your flow’s aggressive, and Loe’s been giving you notes and lessons
You and rap are like phones with less than low reception there’s, no connection
So fucking forfeit, his gut’s enormous because he just ignores it and stuffs it more with nuts and corn chips
So if I can’t take his spot it’s just because I can’t conduct a forklift
You wouldn’t get my money if you were a homeless guy holding a ‘I’m homeless’ sign
The moment I even see you hold it high, just gonna look at the road and drive
So instead of yelling for views, here’s a little help you can use: healthier food
Now you go home and spell that you lose in your alphabet soup

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