Bender vs. Arkaic [Lyrics]

[Verse 1: Bender]
Now the more I hear him rap in a cypher, man this fucking lame should be embarrassed
And just like natural childbirth, that’s becoming painfully apparent
He could never fill a concert if he had the London Philharmonic with him
With a flow that feels so awkward I would bet a million dollars he studied Silkk the Shocker’s rhythm
I’m a Jabberwocky walking, he’s a chatterbox and jabberjaw
Some yappy dog babbling on ’bout nothing, shit is candy floss
And you know this panty-dropping chav has got
Asher Roth’s entire catalogue, and he thought Wu-Tang was a drink for Chinese astronauts
See that name gets more and more ironic when Arkaic’s rapping
That style was cutting edge, then the Dark Ages happened
You taking out the champ, that’s stark raving madness
You a British pop tart, I’m Mark David Chapman
You try a Arcane titty grab, you will probably get your fingers snapped
Unless you bring a stack and some jewelry for me too, then I might reconsider that
You jelly bean-headed motherfucker, you getting outclassed clown
So anyone judging, don’t mean it’s 6:30 in London, when they say big Ben, hands down

[Verse 1: Arkaic]
See I weren’t on this battle at first when he was begging it
When I found out he’s the champ I said ‘Eurgh we can get it in’
Like if he’s got that chain, well I’m sure we can work something
But right now I’m a green neck, I make that chain look like it’s worth nothing
And it is, but just ’cause you have that shit don’t mean you can be proud
Boy if you cashed that in at Cash Converters, you’d get about three pounds
Who saw his battle with Arcane? Serious multis in the second round
Am I the only one who didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about?
That shit was like ‘Orca trainer, formulater, born a nature, huhhh, huhhh’
I’m like what’s wrong with you bruv? You want me to get you your inhaler?
See I’ll battle him for p but I’ll batter him for free
How are you the last airbender, you can barely catch enough to breathe
So being fat is a disease and you’re flabby and obese
It’s sad, you eat ’cause you’re unhappy and you’re unhappy ’cause you eat
I’ll drop this guy, I’m sick when I’m on the mic
I ain’t into fashion but anyone knows that when you’re that fat you shouldn’t wear horizontal stripes

[Verse 2: Bender]
This here is a goddamn massacre
Anyone ever gave you daps as a battler
They were just taking the piss out of you, like a catheter
Now record labels, laugh at ‘kaic
You ever heard a track from ‘kaic?
Y’all are dyslexic if you see an A&R going after ‘kaic
And this is not a product of starvation
It’s just that Arkaic’s drug habit’s on par with Scarface’s
He sweats while his heart racing, his legs and his arms shaking
But his, brain’s out to lunch, he’s stargazing like Carl Sagan
Catch him at one of these rap events, he talk all tough
You see him at a jungle party he’s like ‘Nah it’s all love’
Masked up with a glow necklace, throwing pompoms up
You’re like the Dutch authorities, you’re soft on drugs
Talking all that bitch slang, me no speaka
I don’t know what the fuck he’s talking ’bout, he don’t either
Daft cunt, I’m the keynote speaker
I will turn this island into Iwo Jima, no, Hiroshima
Lil’ prick tryna act hard, soft porn
I brought a Louisville Slugger, I don’t watch sports
I will wind up, like I’m going for the top score
And snap that bat in half in your mouth, like Ozzy Osbourne

[Verse 2: Arkaic]
See actions speak louder than words and talk’s cheap
But right now you’re getting pissed on, I’m R. Kelly and, you’re 14
There ain’t no veterans over there
But there’s a veteran over here
Eurgh we’ve won more battles in a single day than he’s entered his whole career
And admittedly yeah, I wasn’t fully on form against Diz and his friend
But in my defense, I bust’ case like a week before so, you really think I gave a shit about them?
Anyway back to Silent Bob, I’ll put you inside a box drag you out and put you in it again
I’ll bang ya’ little sister while I babysit
This brere’s been in so many gay relationships
He can put an Easter egg up his arse then pull it out without breaking it
So you’re gay as shit, see that chain of his cuz I’ma confiscate it
I tried raping his mum, but she cooperated
But you’re a nerd, you’re fat, and you’ve been around forever
They thought the world, was flat, until they found Bender
You use Vagisil, and you’re fat for real
This guy thought the Happy Meal was the best invention since the wagon wheel
I’m Arkaic, and he just battled Arcane, I got it right
That’s two ‘arcs’ back to back, that means even your record in battle rap looks like the McDonalds sign

[Verse 3: Bender]
This washed up piece of shit, still lives with his mama dukes
Sits in his living room reciting The Saurus bars he never got to use
You were beyond gassed up, you were shitting yourself, wasting away from dysentery
This ain’t Jumpoff, so when you take this L you can’t blame that shit on Harry
Now, without mentioning any names, some shit went down, you were nowhere near the scene though
But you took the rap, you’re a G, you wanted to let the streets know
You thought those inmates would show you the ropes, instead they taught you how to deepthroat
And had you getting busy with a black Johnson, like Big Suze from Peep Show
The point I’m making, you shoulda scraped up some lawyer payments
‘Cause once they threw you in the pen, you were just another toy to play with
In fact, when the guards searched the bathroom, they found your boy here shaking
Behind the toilet naked, with lipstick on and his hair pulled into a Croydon facelift
He wanted to play menace to society like MC Eiht
Ended up getting caught in that web he made
In a cell, getting juiced, like a fresh-squeezed grape
By a couple Jocks who look just like Respek BA
They got in your mouth, Chippy Fishburne style
This big girl’s blouse, got his shit turned out
Now I’m making him relive this so Arkaic remembers
This is not the first time that he got raped by a Bender
Now Ar’ is looking sorry
Garbage, pussy, horse meat
Lethargic, good for snoring
Harmless, bookish, boring
He’s a mark, you shoulda warned him I stay sharp to butcher shorty
I don’t need a hand to shake this man, my bars just shook him for me
Now time’s up, in fact, y’all musta seen this shit was coming
I just showed how easy it was to sneak a weapon of mass destruction in past British customs

[Verse 3: Arkaic]
He’s talking shit about jail like it’s true or something
Saying I got fucked there, who’d you think I am, you or something?
See he was sweating his ass off when he was on the plane from Canada
Yeah he’s the King of the Dot champ, but I need a stronger greater challenger
I don’t know who gassed you up, ’cause you’re not Arkaic’s calibre
You’re too weak Bender, holiday in Malia
I been touched by the Holy Ghost and the angels
The big G-O-D wrote my appraisals
I’m Ben-Hur, and you’re a homo, I hate you
Right now Bender probably wants to bend Eurgh over a table
Listen waste cadet, I might have to come through one time break his neck
Yeah you know that you try to rap, you know that Arkaic’s fresh
Feels like you when you’re breathing
I don’t give a fuck you ain’t beating me this evening
Bender I’ll bend ya’ till ya’ break in half
Whatever the weather I’m better my brain’s razor-sharp
I’m clever, I’m immenser, and you ain’t me dog
You could take five Benders and you still couldn’t make an Ark
So I’ll rape you star, you’re a wasteman waste cadet whose waist is large
Looks like you ate a park with a side plate of lard
I’m starting to think you got that name ’cause of how out of shape you are
But dude what do I know? You’re as huge as a rhino
You’re so wack you’ll end up losing to Syco
This is what happens when Russell Brand plays with FatBooth on his iPhone
And he’s so fat he has to wear a watch on both hands ’cause he’s in two different time zones
And I wouldn’t even wanna estimate how much fucking Bender weighs
‘Cause he gets fat so fast, he can’t even fit in the clothes he wore yesterday
I’ll take a piss on your face
How the fuck’s your crew called Flight Distance, you can barely fit on a plane
And ya’ wife’s a cheating whore I took it home and beat it raw
I didn’t even find the slag attractive I just fucked her ’cause she was yours
You rap on Xbox Live with ya’ friends online
And he’s so formulaic when he sets up rhymes
It’s like ‘X plus Y,’ equals your best punchline

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