Bender vs. Sketch Menace [Lyrics]

[Round 1: Bender]
Now he been writing bars for me since his worthless ass first heard of Flight Distance
I’ve been writing bars for him for the last 35 minutes
Congratulations on your dickriding campaign, you are not messing around
I would list off all the rappers more deserving of a title shot, but there’s only a minute forty-five left in this round
See I’m Saint Peter, the Gatekeeper, player hate me or not
The pen game is end game, all your lame schemes’ll flop
They gassed you up, said, “Keep climbing and you may reach the top.”
Now get prepared for the fall, like a hay fever shot
So make your jokes, ’bout how the only cake I make is Black Forest
How my ass orbits the Earth and my pant size is pan-ormous
And you’ll think that’s clever as shit, ’cause your homies’ll clap for it
But behind your back they’re cutting up your lines like a scratch chorus
You sweaty pig skin piece of shit, patient zero for swine flu
You got a big mouth pig snout, too bad your rhymes don’t stick out like your eyes do
I will run up behind you, snatch those fries from out your ride at the drive-through
Hit your throat with a punch, have you holding your gut and throwing up blood, like a Piru
Sorry player, ain’t no way I’m fearing you’re a waste of that A-material
Better pray for a miracle I don’t run up with a mask on like Rey Mysterio
I kill mics and scrape the serial, fuck it, sorry player
My shorty stored a razor in her Jordan trainer
So before you make your case she’ll shut you down like massive organ failure
I’ll fornicate your whore and make her fetch your morning paper
You’re a Quaker, you beating me is ’bout as likely as you getting a nice beej off your gorgeous Mormon neighbor
Blow, hand, rim – she give out more jobs than the Board of Labor
But this enormous failure couldn’t get to first base batting for the majors
What’s more, the way I scorch the page could warm the glaciers and raise the shores from northern Spain to Ecuador to Asia
When I’m, putting down a classic like Clapton recording ‘Layla’
Chlorinate your gene pool, I’m a master with this imagery
See I’m a portrait painter so a Sketch ain’t really shit to me
Y’all knew I’d be back with a batch stored for later
To come back and chalk this Sketch out like a blackboard eraser
Avocado’s ad for this could be a morbidly gory horror trailer when I morph into the Minotaur and break your physical form to vapor
And how you repping the west bitch? You thought Ant Banks was Vivian from Fresh Prince
And you were convinced, that Spice 1, was a motherfucking corn chip flavor
Check your source of data, see I even got dope setups like sting operations
Ain’t no hearts in this game of cards and this king’s not to play with
So any judges feel this was a tough call, fuck y’all
I had him completely smashed after eight bars, like a pub crawl

[Round 1: Sketch Menace]
See people were upset when they found out I was named the next contender
Well rest assured you’re getting left for dead, I’m as authentic as the seventh letter
Head is severed, medi-centers, identify you by your dental records
Like you never took the Stratocaster from your name, ’cause after you get played you’ll get dismembered
Treat him like I was Jimmy Hendrix, you get beat to death, you’re just a Fender Bender
But when you collide with me it’ll be of biblical proportions
Claiming you’re a legend against Arcane with that pitiful performance
You think you’re remaining undefeated I’ll make sure that mission gets aborted
You’ll crash quicker than the Hindenburg, this blimp’s Flight Distance’ll get shortened
See you need to break the chain to pieces and fucking divvy up the portions
To your staff and crew and writing team and your literary sources
You need to give it up and forfeit, this here ‘s your quarterly review
If you think I’m going in to lose, well you’re horribly confused
‘Cause for the first time you’ll see Bender bite off more than he can chew
So why is everyone so convinced that this porky bitch would win this?
He’s just a coke-addicted bloated gimmick, he’s not willing to go the distance
Shit, if you even mention the words ‘sports’ ‘the gym’ or ‘Total Fitness’
He gets motion sickness he’ll start to lose focus and go comatose in minutes
Not saying shit like if you post your writtens
So when I put my hands around your throat and show no forgiveness till you start turning blue like Folsom Prison you won’t see him and his homie Loey doing baseball signals and blowing kisses
You’re too close for this, it’s so suspicious
The way you orbit this little foreign portly midget you’d almost think Loe’s ego had its own restricted solar system
You look like that fat kid in Willy Wonka that got the golden ticket
Fronting like you’re on the road to riches but no one’s showing interest like you’re rolling with a loaded clip, but you’re a fucking joke admit it
See I can play the rhyme game too Bender, you’re just another hopeless victim
And I ain’t even wasted Lois Griffin, Sophie Simmons, the Olsen twins or Corey Higgins, [?], fucking Souls of Mischief
‘Cause I can put him in a box and close the lid ’cause I’m known for vicious acts
‘Cause I can put an end to Benders like a prohibition act
You’re Homer Simpson fat

[Round 2: Bender]
Now the champ is here, to bring this amateur back into planet Earth
This is the ’86 shuttle disaster, watch the challenger crash and burn
My sounds are federal issue, semi-automatic Beretta pistol
You sound like the rap cypher at every Ivy League frat party I’ve never been to
See he’ll spend his nights at home reciting most these lines I wrote, he’s a fan
With the kind of flow 95-year-olds would find atrociously bland
Now rightly so, watch Flight explode, it’s time to blow like we planned
‘Cause we got ties at home combined with those worldwide promotin’ our jams
They provide the dough I’ll fly the globe to rhyme at shows with my fam’
London, Paris, Malaysia, hell I’m tryna go to Japan
Had my rifle scope on this title so I sniped it bro, I’m the man
Well this is all you have and you’ve never held a microphone in your hand
You said Aspire should be ashamed for what he said about the Jews
In all truth there’s volumes of what that says about your views
When you had, four rounds of lazy Mexican jokes against that guy Dan
Or a bunch of, Arabic stereotypes, for a kid from Iran
Now you can say it’s hard to blame him, he probably learned it from his parents
Or the pastor at his church that preaches sermons to the parish
No, first admit that you’re the person that deserves to be embarrassed
Then learn to tell the difference between a Persian and an Arab
What’s next, you gonna hit Diaz with your best zingers on Jamaican folks?
Call Manik a snake charmer, act out how Syco rapes that goat?
I’ve heard better racist jokes, from 8-year-olds
Now Sketch plans to be king?
Shit you’re the reason real rappers like Osa won’t even step back in this ring
I’m not here to call him a Nazi, I just hate what he does
He sets up for a cheap laugh that’s all he’s capable of
He never respected this culture, he’ll never understand it
We’ve all heard that in his voice from the first generic punch he landed
Talk shit about my team since ’09 like you somebody special
Calling Pesc’ a faggot behind his back like you were up on his level
See one thing I never did, to make my claim for this belt
Was dick ride a bigger name to make a name for myself

[Round 2: Sketch Menace]
Against 24 you said you’ve done things that would haunt him, and that statement alone
Makes me laugh hysterically, claiming you got that snub, that .38 with the nose
Bitch if you’re toaster-smoking your toaster’s broken, you ain’t wavin’ the chrome
Bitch you live a 16-minute bus ride away from Charron
I mean you got the body type of a washed-up professional wrestler
So who you think you messing with Bender? Nothing would happen if you went through a metal detector
Shit the only reason that you would ever set off a sensor was if you were in a medical center and it was an emergency ’cause you had extremely high ventricle pressure
Get the message that I’m givin’, you need some exercise tips
‘Cause based on Bender’s rhymes and Bender’s size if his career met the sky’s limits
It’d be an attempt to defy physics ’cause I’m bettin’ his Flight Distance is less than five minutes
So check his website out, the domain name will say it all, ’cause you’ll need something to break your fall
So I don’t completely hate you Bender I have to set the record straight
You came out swinging against Arcane so I found what happened in the second strange
You started crashing began to gasp it was like someone came and snatched your breath away
You started plummeting so fast it was like your cabin pressure changed
See this drunk is finished, above the limit, stumbling and double-fisting till he starts suffering from tunnel vision
I’m leaving Uncle Buck here with his money missing and punch-drunk like he was Sonny Liston
So fuck with me become a victim, you ain’t going home the winner
How do you expect to hold the title for another moment as the chosen victor
When you’re a drunken low life piece of shit Bender you can’t even hold your liquor
He keeps his personal life a secret in hopes, it will throw off his competition
Afraid of what they might find out’ll compromise his image
So if I start talking ’bout the dishes that he’s washing for a living
Shit maybe all the people here will stop believing all that garbage that he’s spittin’
I mean your job is in a kitchen, you should have a lot of pots to piss in
So any bars about you being hard I find awfully contradictin’
So get this bitch a stack of dishes, shit he’s leaving hours early
Licked every fuckin’ plate clean didn’t get a single towel dirty
So let’s get this straight, you’re a dishwasher that gets drunk, goes to battle events and acts like a fag
Ayo where’s Rich at? This dude’s fucking jackin’ your swag
He been takin’ shots of the Captain, sour Jack and some Jag’
So it’s easy to body Bender, he’s already half in the bag

[Round 3: Bender]
Now we both put in work this year, at least 20 battles between us
But you ain’t main event material, there should be at least 20 battles between us
You a groupie, nothin’ more, that two-on-two was painful to watch
Next time you ask Illmac out on a dinner date, you might wanna wait until the cameras are off
I have your blood, oxidizing on my hand like Pontius Pilate
The awful hybrid of God and science colonized from Monster Island
I walk with giants, you lost your mind if you thought this swine could cross Goliath
Fuck a hockey riot, if I catch this L you gon’ see this mob get violent
See it, isn’t safe around my way this, bitch can fade a thousand ways
I’ll, dig a grave 10 miles away where, his remains get doused in flames
You give away ten thousand K now just to take away this crown today
So it’s gon’ be extra sweet to watch you limp away without the chain
I said pick a date and crowded place we can finalize this concept
Between a Himalayan mountain range and a dried-up pile of dog shit
See these punches got this bitch thinkin’ Conan hit her
A granite fist to the chin like Rodin’s Thinker
And let me paint you this emotional picture
I get to’ up and loaded from the smoke and the liquor
Find your family while they’re home having dinner
Door explodes into splinters, Uncle Joe gets thrown in the shitter
Bend over your sister, and choke your Doberman Pinscher like a boa constrictor
And if Grandma want it too, she gets thrown in the river
Now see what’s funny though, is he thinks we ain’t spottin’ the difference
And the bars he been spittin’ ever since G.O.D. has been with him
With God as my witness, once Hollohan sittin’ locked up in prison
He’ll have to get all of his writtens during conjugal visits
You seen his talent you latched on, he was your lottery ticket
But he introduced you to yayo and got you addicted
Sold you rocks from the kitchen, that left you poverty-stricken
So one’s a Genius On Drugs, the other one obviously isn’t
You on G.O.D.’s dick then Daley’s, you polytheistic
You try to hop on mine but I don’t parley with bitches
Now all of you listen: that one time, Tricky, Jeff and Charron, slept over one night at your place
You didn’t have shit for Aspire, so you sat and combined all your brains
To come up with 60 percent of the battle that got you a shot at this title today
And if that shit’s not the truth then Corey Charron lied to my face
So next time you hear this little puppet’s gums start to flap
You better ask yourself whose pen he’s got shoved up his ass

[Round 3: Sketch Menace]
See when Bender flows, it’s regulated like a metronome
I can hear your weak heart beating like a stethoscope
So I’m guessing that breath control was never embedded in your genetic code
You’re the type of dude to stretch a scheme off of Human Centipede and half way through it you’ll start turning red begin to lose his breath and wheeze
And as useless as it seems, every person in the room will yell and scream
And as far as I’m concerned, that does nothing but falsely boost your self-esteem
I’m confused to say the least as to why some of y’all still act like this guy’s a problem
You’ll hear a line like, “I’ll take the piss out of you, like a catheter”
Most of y’all would turn your noses up like “Man that line’s awful”
Till you found out it came from this faggot’s mouth then you’re like “Never mind it’s awesome”
See he’ll say he’s a tiger shark and I’ll be some sort of inferior animal
It just seems you pick ’em at random, I don’t see how they’re really compatible
I mean you told Arcane you were a pitbull but you ain’t got me convinced
So if your crew’s a bunch of scofflaws and Pesci’s the top dog of your clique
Well the only thing that makes you a Pitbull is that you got your jaws locked on his dick
And yeah I noticed you lost some weight, you think that shit would really matter?
Shit the only reason why this dude’s not gettin’ any fatter
Is ’cause he’s gotta work for what he has now since they took away his silver platter
See while I was travelling back and forth between Toronto, Calgary, Van’ and Oakland
He’s had his record served to him, handpickin’ all his past opponents
I worked and earned the spot I’m in, the future champ has spoken
The title’s only as respected as the motherfuckin’ man that holds it
See when Twist first had the title, it was the beginnin’ days of this here movement
He came with that comedic style, people claimed he’d never lose it
Hollohan quickly proved that theory wrong with a painful execution
And went on to defend it against Jack Shitt and win and remains the only person to this day to do it
He lost it unexpectedly to The Saurus, an American, which at first didn’t seem like the greatest of solutions
But despite his looks, helped push the league and bring a few new faces to the movement
Then Arcane had it, well that was strange and just confusin’
So we’re all happy when you took it Bender I’m not able to dispute it
But when I strip you of the title there ain’t no makin’ up excuses
Just consider it another of the stages of improvement
‘Cause I’m the perfect package, call it the chain of evolution
You’ll be stricken with headache, depression, shortness of breath as he attempts to focus
Chest pains, regret, the feeling of pressure on his head and shoulders
You’re dead weight it’s the end, a cold sweat like you’re getting sober
But it’s time to face reality ’cause the fucking bender’s over

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