Now…I’m not one to brag
But…300 battles, and not once have I ever been punched or slapped
Not even nothin’ to a lesser degree, like an undergrad
Lemme ask you somethin’, Frak – 100 racks up for grabs
Would you rather be the “Team Homi Intern”, or the “Fresh Coast Punching Bag”?
Now keep in mind, one of these things entails getting your homies coffee, lunch, and snacks
The other job description…is getting punched and doing nothing back
You’re the Fresh. Coast. Punching Bag!
You did nothing back? W-What the FRAK!?
It’s time we had that father-son chat you clearly never got from your dad
‘Cause you’re the Fresh. Coast. Punching Bag!
Frak been actin’ different ever since that Caddy hit him
When it first happened, I was half-convinced not swingin’ back at him was just a simple act of pacifism
But when Frak kept rappin’ after the slap, that had me thinkin’
“Maybe he’s just that committed to jackin’ all of Franco’s mannerisms!”
‘Cause you’re the Fresh! Coast! Punching Bag!
You told Coma and Xcel, “We in the Bay, where you can get punked for your attitude”
That’s funny – you’ve been punked in a couple of battles, dude
Facts! This the Bay, where you can get punked for your attitude
Coma punked him, he needed a pump for his asthma, too!
The Bay, where someone put hands on you in front of a camera crew
And we discovered the fact that there isn’t much of a man in you
Got pimp-slapped by Caddy, and we all wondered what Frak would do
Then you…rebuttaled it, and gave a hug to him after, too
‘Cause you’re the Fresh! Coast! Punching Bag!
Ladies, would you feel safe if you and Frak were a couple?
One night out together, an attacker confronts you, and there’s an actual struggle
He punches you, grabs your purse and tries snatchin’ it from you
All you can do is crawl and kick back as you struggle
You scream, “Alex, help!”
Frak starts crackin’ his knuckles so he can hit the guy back…with a classic rebuttal!?
He’s like, “Don’t worry, babe! I got a bar that fits this dude perfect!”
The robber punches Frak, robs him, too, and…now he’s got two purses
‘Cause you’re the Fresh! Coast! Punching Bag!
[Round 1: Frak]
Bro, that face looks like steak charred
Nah, that face looks like it came out a graveyard from Braveheart
Nah, nah, nah, nah
Tell this poker player I’m not suited for the same bars
I got an ace up my sleeve – I don’t need to play the face card!
While you been in Vegas, tryna play cards and make small blinds
I’ve been here, runnin’ the strip as the Bay watch (Baywatch), my face on flyers
It’s like PG&E wit’ that frayed hardwire
As soon as you lost your spark…I set the Bay on fire!
Aye, The Saurus, welcome to your big shot
The battle that your soul desires
I’m your Miyagi, it’s time to Cobra Kai him
He said his “left is made of metal-plated armor,” and I’m not sayin’ that you’re a liar
But how’s it been a decade, and you still can’t get ahold of Iron?
First Arkaic, then XQZ, now Frak is the battle you choose
You think if you beat the Jew-Tang Clan, Iron Sheik will just grant a battle with you?
Now I’m not sayin’ that you’re Hitler, but this parallel’s true
You couldn’t make it off your art, now you’re attackin’ the Jews
Now who’s gassin’ up who!?
I mean, you tweet him day to day, it’s like he’s your saving grace
Maybe 10 years ago, it’d make sense, but what would he even gain today?
Iron’s climbed back to SMACK, while he’s seen your name erased
Thanos snap: Iron Man watched Peter fade away!
And he doesn’t feel so good!
I mean, how much you make for this battle? Give the amount, shit
More than you
How much you make for this battle?
Significantly more than you
How much you make for the battle?
Whatever he just said, split the amount
Shit, I got five bands (bans) like your Twitter account did
While you were home, button-clickin’ and syllable-countin’
I’m on road, playin’ shows where the titties is bouncin’
You ad-lib in my round wit’ your little announcements
By the end of this, you gon’ be sayin’, “Give him the thousand”
Aye! But I checked Twitter, you know, see how the legends doin’
Surf got records movin’, Hollow got his business boomin’
Diz’ got films he’s shootin’, Illmac got pets disputin’
The Saurus just called Battle Fan 37 a “pathetic human”
I mean, I bet he’s broodin’
‘Cause when he didn’t get booked for this, the scene was so stressed
He used to run battle rap, but now the CEO left with his decomposed flesh
Like, “I’m the freakin’ GOAT! How could these KOTD leeches forget!?”
I guess they miss treatin’ (mistreatin’) the GOAT, and that’s why Peter (PETA) protest!
So he complains his way on the card as he explodes our timelines
Like, “I’m more than Top 5, I’m the GOAT of hot rhymes”
We use the Internet for synonyms, it performs your job fine
Translation: you can’t get booked, so we only see The Saurus (thesaurus) online!
Boy, it’s ’bout time!
‘Cause we go back and watch your freestyles like, “Woo! His legacy’s holdin’ true”
But watch him battle today, you’re breathless and chokin’, too
He only see L’s (CL), nothin’ ’bout him ever been known as smooth
So we don’t wanna see Pete Rock, we’d rather ‘Reminisce Over You’
Remember The Saurus for the chain? Shit, everyone was mentioning you
But then you started forgettin’ your rounds…and we started forgettin’ ’em, too
Now it’s Chilla Jones vers’ Real Deal, Episode 2
What’s it say when a guy who just lost is a better contender than you?
I mean, when’s the last time you won on KOTD? I’m thinkin’ recent
You lost to Carter, Hoffa, Caustic, even let Clips defeat him
They took Pete’s pistol, turned Pistol Pete to River Phoenix
You’re just livin’ off of Legend status like Chrissy Teigen!
I really mean it!
He used to be the Bay’s hope
Now he barely considered uncle in the house he stay most (Stamos)
You made everyone think the West was just race bars and gay jokes
Ultra-lyrical, multi-syllable, everyone doin’ the same flow
Oversaturation, yet you’re the one we blame most
You’re not the Greatest Of All Time, you’re just a scapegoat
[Round 2: The Saurus]
Y’all wanna know what rhymes with “desperately wanting to know what being a Black person’s about?”
Frak’s burner account!
You created a fake Facebook page so we’d think you have a Black fan
“Jordan Holloway” – it was all a part of Frak’s plan
Create a fictional fanbase to help his name pop first…
But yo, I’m pretty sure that ain’t the way that Faceswap works
Things are in a really sad state
Up-and-coming battlers so desperate for a fanbase they have to fabricate one that’s fake
And that alone is in bad taste
But in Frak’s case, why did you also feel it necessary to do that shit in blackface?
I’m just tryin’ to get the facts straight on this nerd’s reality
Is Frak sure (fracture) who he is? Does he have split personalities?
How did he get to such a low point? I can only imagine
Having conversations with yourself after posting a status
Like, “Two new battles booked. Lookin’ forward to both of these matches!”
Fake account comments, “Ooh, I hope it’s The Saurus and Illmac, ‘cause those would be classics!”
Frak: Like button, “Wow” emoji reaction
Fake account comments again, “Don’t worry, bro. It’ll happen.”
When I first noticed it, I thought that I was overreactin’
So I phoned up my dad – he’s a psychiatrist who owns his own practice
And I showed him what Frak did, then he told me the facts
It sadly isn’t just lonely and sad – it’s sociopathic!
I feel bad for you
You wanna be liked so bad that it’s bad for you
Every corny character, every trending topic you’re trying to tap into
You prob’ly ask Avo’, “Can we use a different camera view for every demographic group I pander to?”
(*The camera view then makes twelve jump-cuts in rapid succession, later cutting to Avocado sheepishly shrugging his shoulders*)
“Can we use a different camera view for every demographic group I pander to?
Like this one from the far left, ‘cause I’m in a Bernie Sanders suit?”
So call time! It’s over on this soft, whiny poser!
One punch’ll shatter Frak into fractions of his online personas!
[Round 2: Frak]
The inventor of modern battle rap – I can’t we believe we finally meet
All cavemen had was some light and some heat
All Benjamin Franklin had was a kite and a key
And all The Saurus had was a mic and a beat
Bro, HE! INVENTED! BATTLE RAP!
See, these fans don’t respect the fact you fathered the scene
And this is a message to all of you: stop calling him “Pete!”
His name is “The Saurus”, it’s been that way since the time he’s conceived
You’re like those fucking kids who call their parents Donna and Steve
Bro, HE! INVENTED! BATTLE RAP!
Bro, he was the first rapper on mother Earth
Fuck Stephen Hawking’s multiverse, The Saurus invented the multi-verse
But what does it say when you invented battle rap, man
And they cast you in the battle rap movie as “Battle Rap Fan”
Bro, HE! INVENTED! BATTLE RAP!
Imagine Alexander Graham Bell invented the phone, but they were blockin’ all his calls
Imagine Zuckerberg invented Facebook, but no one was writin’ on his wall
Imagine Henry Ford made the Model T, but never got himself a car
Or like The Saurus if he invented battle rap and he ended up on the bottom of the card!
That’s his fault
HE! INVENTED! BATTLE RAP!
Battle rap’s a frat party and you’re that old dude sippin’ a cold beer
Like, “I built this place from the rubble in my old years”
Tryin’ to cypher in the kitchen like, “Wait ’til the coast clear”
Till Nu Jerzey Twork walks over like…”Who do you know here?”
But did you invent battle rap?
I mean, you think that you discovered it
But what about SMACK DVD, Fight Klub, pre-Internet were running shit
You just took Freestyle Fellowship idea (Eyedea) and Lyrically adjusted it
You didn’t invent battle rap – bro, you Christopher Columbus’d it!
Bro! BRO! BRO!
You stumbled upon the culture like, “Look what I found”
Then a bunch of white people followed like, “This is ours now”
In 2002, The Saurus sailed the Oakland blue
From the ocean wit’ his sail ships
Walking ’round this place like you own and you created
Wit’ your multis and his cadence, no assimilation
Illmaculate-ly cleansed them of their culture and betrayed them
Even in your 2-on-2s, all your best shit was stolen from a Native!
So yeah, you’re a founding father, ’cause just like them
You took something that already existed and flourished and did it suburban
An immigrant wit’ a visitors’ permit
So he’s sayin’ he’s Mount Rushmore and it’s fittin’ him perfect
This old-head got his spot carved but didn’t deserve it!
So Christopher’s perfect
‘Cause every year, less people celebrate his greatness
The style he invented, the way you’d say shit, his basic cadence
It ain’t creative, but it hit the game & stayed contagious
Boilerplate bars, whether they’re gay or straight, overweight or Asian
The only thing you gave the game was smallpox…a bunch of toxic blanket statements!
And they OK’d it!
He gon’ say he paved the way for me, and that’s fair game, Pete
But I added music, comedy – battle rap is where this lame peaked
His brain needs to think me and him part of the same breed
That ain’t me, I added more character: Marvel Phase 3
But your clones infested the game like gangrene
You turned battle rap from art to math, chart the graph, and made it mainstream
You don’t need style or presence, just multis around a main theme
Rhythmless rapper Mad Libs, just fill in the blank, please
Same cadence and comparisons, A-B, A-B
The same set ups, same personals, even the same schemes
A The Saurus (thesaurus) is just a bunch of different versions of the same thing!
[Round 3: The Saurus]
Flipping that whole angle is just too easy to do
See, if Frak never existed – our whole scene would improve
And if I never existed, then Frak, neither would you
‘Cause all you’ll ever be is another obvious plagiarist
You saw the icon and something clicked, right, so you copy and pasted it
Organik told me they need to do better developing talent
Yeah bro… No shit… tell me about it
15 years against a kid who’s barely spent 15 minutes here
Lets not be insincere & act like I ain’t give birth to his career
If you ask Frak his favorite childhood memories – he’ll say the Scribble years
Say Franco’s name 3 times in a mirror… and this appears
On my level? Hipster, please, you ain’t in my hemisphere
How many times I did this? & these kids vanish after they face they biggest fears
What makes you think the outcome would be different here?
Even if I don’t win this clear – to be frank he’s (Frankie) still just Malcolm in the Middle-tier
Caddy made you eat a fist like that scene outta Jack Reacher
Frak’s features turned white as the sheets on a Klan leader
They been overhyping the kid – “Don’t be sleepin on Frak, Peter”
But I’m with John John on this one: I don’t believe in the gas either
Frak’s eager to be some sort of viral celebrity
But tonight, the game shows Alex’s life is in Jeopardy!
First time he saw Soul Khan, he said “I wanna be that guy”
Dropped outta Hebrew school and changed his name to B-Rabbi
I’ll flatline Frak’s life, he won’t stand the test of time
This is who Bush kept in mind when he said no student left behind
A walking participation trophy: metal’s what you get for trying
Junior better dive for cover like Nirvana…Nevermind
I don’t respect your grind, you pander so hard to makes folks like you
I guess having no spinal is what stunted your growth cycle
Your album’s called Limewire… thats a dope title
Cause you pirated your whole style
& on the downlow you’re tryna use those files is go viral
Ever since he saw Rone’s success, he hoped to be a big star
But Rone’s the hard-hitting poet – Frak’s just the poet someone hit hard
[Round 3: Frak]
In 2006, you told me I looked like James Van Der Beek after eight grams of tweek
You look like James Gandolfini after eight pans of baked clams and ziti
8 ham paninis and eggplant linguini
I can also do multis like my great granmpa petey
I’m the Jordan of this shit, wheaties itll take space jam to reach me
I pull up to the function in a beige Lamborghini
You pull up to the function in a Sage Francis beanie
I’m the 5th element: breakdance, graffiti
He’s countin’ cards like Rain Man till his Ray-Bans are greasy
Battle rap has changed man, today’s fans are needy
They don’t want a caveman from Greece, they want Cave Gang and Geechi!
Just cuz he says multis out loud dont mean this dude is a rapper
Your music is cancer
Illmac and Chase like, lets hit the studio after
Pete’s like, “Can i join?” Cue studio laughter
Illmac told you, “It’s 2009 and you still haven’t been on an album of mine!”
The day I met Illmac, he said, “Aye, you wanna be on my album? It’s fine”
To promo this battle,, its time to make a corpse of my grandchild
That was the day I found out…I’m Thesaurus’ grandchild
Come to think of it, it makes sense you’re my an-ces-ta
The freestyles, the multis, the bad set-ups
But now it’s every battle where my gramps mess up
Life Alert: my grandpa’s fallen off, and he can’t get up!
Man, step up!
I’m worried about my grandpa – he’s 112
Plus we know an old The Saurus (thesaurus) stays stuck on the shelf
The way KOTD book you late must fuck with your health
Willy Wonka: until i got him on the ticket, my grandpa never stood up for himself, so stand up
At first you look up to your grandpa, those stories that tug at your heartstrings
“Grandpa, grandpa, spit us a couple of bars, please
Which war did you fight in? Iran? Vietnam? Was it at Maldives?”
“No, much worse…I did two tours at the WRCs (Is that where you suffered those scarred cheeks)
On the battlefield, I came prepared and fought with premeds
They couldn’t bob and weave shit, I was a god, a greek myth
On that fateful day, our enemies all caught a Pete fist
(you kids dont understand) Back in my day we said it once, there was no running it back
Went into double overtime, when we were under attack
Things were still segregated – there was us, there was SMACK
I even watched the bunker collapsed
He keeps tells the same story cuz his dementia holds him back
He says, “Franco, is that you?”
“For the last time, no, it’s Frak.”
Oh did I tell you about scribble jam when I was the goat of rap??
Not again grandpa- sorry kids, All i know is that, we over that
The culture changes, but he stays the same, in his old age stupor
He’s grown brain tumors from Rogaine and Rolaid usage
His style outdated, so he tries to fit in, like, “Ya don’t say, junior?
I’m also a close range shooter
I do gun bars, too, now”…OK, Boomer
I’m strapped in – suspenders – just napped into a coma
Dementia – could break my back at any moment
Diabetes – started passing on the soda
I used to be a legend – and now Frak is my opponent
So putting you on the card is there way of giving you a commemorative plate
We respect you for service, happy battle rap Veteran’s day
But then grandpa gets sick, everyday requires medical aid
Respiratory failure he gets breathless on stage
The Alzheimers takes a sharp turn down memory lane
Tries to double rebuttal and starts Forgetting his place
His legacy’s stained, his talent gone, only the legend remains
So they brought his grandson to see him in his delicate state
And I pull the plug so he doesn’t have to be remembered this way
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